First off, hi. Thank you for taking the time out of what I imagine to be an insanely busy day for you, as we all are ridiculously busy, to read this. If you know me at all, you know that writing is a huge outlet for me. If you don’t know me, now you do.
Over the last two years, and even over the last month or so, I have embarked on this rapidly self-growth and developmental journey. I look back to who I was and cannot even believe that I have managed to do what I’ve done, seen what I’ve seen, and become who I’ve become. It hasn’t always been easy. In fact, a lot of it has been complete hell. But I guess that’s the point of it all, right? Without struggle, the end goal just doesn’t seem worth it.
I will be starting medical school in less than a month. As I type this out sitting in the middle of an ER, I am taken back by the reality of how fast time really goes. I had lunch with my youngest sister today. She had her first day of college. How have I been done with my undergrad for a year? How is it possible that my “year off” is ending? Why does it seem too late? Why do I STILL not feel like I did enough? Why do I wish I could go back to specific moments and change things that I said or things that I didn’t do? How can you have everything you ever wanted out of life, and still feel like something is missing?
I’m not sure that I’ll ever get the answers to some of those questions. Hell, I’m not sure I’ll ever get the answers to any of those questions. But that’s okay. I’ve spent the last several months accepting the fact that I don’t need to know everything to thrive, and I certainly don’t need to know everything to do as I please anyway. Human beings are inquisitive. It’s in our nature. Medical professionals are especially inquisitive. I’ve grown in an environment where if you’re not asking “why,” you’re not doing enough. In the field of medicine, that’ll get us the answers that we need. Hopefully. In life, sometimes things just happen and we don’t realize how they’re happening or why they’re happening until they’ve happened and so much has changed but we’re looking back on everything and realize, “well shit, we made it.”
If you read the “About Me” section of this blog, you’ll get a more in depth description of what this blog is and why I’m making it. In short, I’m a thinker and I love writing. What better way to express my thoughts and pursue something I love? This is going to be filled with everything that you can imagine: good, negative, hopeful, positive, funny, exciting, controversial, etc.
I’m going to try and write at least once a week, but who knows what life will be like tomorrow let alone in a month or two once I’m full throttle in Boston and into school. Despite all of my anxiety about moving and starting this next part of my life, I am so ready. I’m ready to say goodbye to comfortability. I’m ready to put this last chapter behind me and move on. I’m ready to start school so I can get done…and then through residency and then practicing on my own. I’m ready. I’ve spent enough time working through all my shit and figuring everything out.
I am more content than ever before, and I am ready to keep growing.